I’m Gonna Be Free and I’m Gonna Be Fine


Y’all I am tired. Not of writing, but of the obsessive overwrought hand-wringing Writer Pain that has paralyzed me off and on for the several last months. To be fair, my off-page struggle has been especially severe recently, but even before then, I’d tied my creative self in knots. I’m officially cancelling that bullshit in an effort to lighten up.

I’ve been doing all kinds of things to make that happen, the best of which was read Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic. Twice now in fact. My overall sense of joy is anemic at the moment and my creative process has been akin to using a dislocated shoulder to arm-wrestle a giant. It didn’t go well, it hurt, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t keep at it. In a way that’s admirable but it’s also a bit mad to keep trying in the exact same manner. The price of creativity doesn’t have to be paid with suffering. I’ve always known this in theory but to put it into practice I’m switching up my rituals and calling upon something other than incessant insecurity to get the job done. Maybe now I take up toe-wrestling instead. My toes are mighty (that got even more weird than anticipated)!

So I’m doing what all writer types do when the rainbow has been enough. I’m bringing my bucket to the NaNoWriMo well, and I’m not stopping until it comes up full. I’m using the buddy system with a writer friend. A volunteer even. I said “you’re doing NaNoWriMo with me right?” I’ve dug out every note scrap I have for both WIP, and I’m excited about what’s going to happen. Girl Out of Water was both a 2011 and a 2012 NaNoWriMo project. I didn’t “win” the first time but I kept hacking away at it until November 2012 and with 15 minutes to spare, I’d written a total of 100,548 words for it, 50,000 of them in one month. This time I’ll blog my word count, any Seattle write-ins that I attend and what I hope is a mental shift toward inspired and away from spite via personal accomplishment.

My first NaNo Song of the Day is Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up) by Florence + The Machine. I’ve always loved her/them but after seeing the live show I am a tambourine-carrying devotee. The video is a kind of ecstatic pagan-lite mime of a song that could have had a much darker visual interpretation.